Never Rely Your Happiness on People

Yeah, like what the title implies. I understand I should not actually be doing so, but i can't help but do so cause it's the last resort I know. 

As hopeless this is going to sound. 

I seem to have lost my smile.

Nothing seems to be able to keep me real happy for a long time. 

No pun intended but it's really sad to say.

I've changed. And i'm no longer the same person I used to be.

and it's killing me

I lost my best friend, I push people who try to be nice to me away.

i'm a total b%^ch.

(as much as i wanna put it out there, i still have to be sensitive to what I disclose) 

"Be careful of the sharp edges that may cut you when you are trying to fix a broken person" 
^that quote hasn't been anymore real in my life right now

People seem to be the only thing that I can use to bring myself up again.

I use "talking to people" as a coping strategy.

And as much as I wish my "best friend" would ask me out again, i bet she doesn't have TIME for me cause she has too many people that loves her in her life..

AND YES, I'M GREATLY AFFECTED BY THAT. 

EVERY SINGLE DAY

I'M NOT GOING TO NAME YOU ANYWAY, it doesn't really matter if you realise I'm talking to you at all. You don't have time right? Its okay.

It's okay.

It really is. 

not. 

but i still love you  ❤︎ 

I'm just going to try. On my own. To get over someone that I "shouldn't" have to need to get over.

I try to talk to other people, try to bring more people into my life and get rid of the past. You know right. 

All my past relationships

that i've promised myself NEVER to go back to.

They're exes for a reason and I don't want to make the same mistake and then call myself foolish after we break up again. 

I'm going to be ok.

I'm gonna be strong.

and I'm gonna move on. 

But it's hard, I really can't do it on my own. 

I'M A CONTRADICTING MESSED UP TEEN.

I'm sorry.