Am I invisible?

Idk whats wrong, something's really really wrong. I feel like I'm non existent, nobody noticed me at all. 

Yea, some of you may know that I'm a performer, I must have people watching me perform all the time, I get applaused for, and.. That's it. 

You have no idea what happens off stage. 

I get thrown aside. 

That's why you can always see me striving my way to sing in public or get a spotlight in a dance, or get casted for a film. If you know me well enough, that's what I actually do. 

I don't have real real friends. 

I'm still looking for my true friend. Guy or girl it doesn't matter, I just need somebody to keep me alive. 

Am I invisible? 

Do you know how cold lonely feels? When somebody that's supposedly your close friend no longer call you along to the toilet with them. Cause they rather go with the other friend they found. Especially when you're not very close to that whole group of people, you're not here neither there. and that, results in me being so alone. I'm always the one that's being left behind. Unless I go and talk to people like a pest. 

But why? You're good looking, you should have a lot of people constantly talking to u!?!? 

No I'm not complimenting myself, I for actually find myself that good looking, it's just what I receive from people. I get complimented quite a lot.. I must admit. 

But a thousands of fake friends will never be as important as that 1 real friend that stays by your side all the time. You will die without friends. I don't actually have many constantly talking to me. People think that if you're pretty, boys will keep talking to u. Oh r u serious? Then I must be so ugly. 

All I need is that friend that's always by my side. Even if it's a boy, please don't ask me to stay away from him. 

I'm not like u, I don't have friends. 

'Feels from yesterday' @The Esplande 

Live, don't just breathe

I'm sure if I live my life this way, it's gonna have a con where I lose my social life. Cause like, if I'm truly LIVING, which to me it means to be always preoccupied with something that I enjoy. This whole week, I'm gonna be out from 8am to 10pm. And it'll be consisting of school, cca, dental appointment, tuition, and on set. Wow. 

Isnt this all that I've wanted? And now it's here, I'm too busy to use my phone, but I have people that I have to talk to.. 

Only Sundays will be my breathing day. But I'm sure it's just half a day to breathe..

I hate complaining. 

I'm serious, the more you complain, the more you cannot endure.. But then I have nothing much to say. 

I wanna love life, I hope I make the right decisions. Sometimes I yolo, and sometimes I'm just afraid of everything. 

I'm not too sure bout where I'll go in my future, whether I'll be able to support myself with a job that I like. 

I live my everyday with "Live life to the fullest" and it's amazing. 

Just work hard for everything you do, because you can do it. And I'm so sure of it. 💞 

So.. 

BELIEVE IN YOU. 

Drama Queen

Yea i say things like "I hang out with boys more cause i like that they have less drama". Then here I am about to tell you how dramatic I am. 

I don't think that this can be controlled though, sometimes i really think that i'm crazy, or psychotic, or whatever you wanna call it. This isn't who I wanna be. Can I control it? Can i be any different? Or is it because like what they say cause i'm in a relationship, people tend to become this way?

But I kinda think it's the stress in my life.
My mind is a really chaotic place, it generates thoughts and epiphanies every single second. That's why i'm constantly writing. And no, I don't always write it on this blog, cause I feel very exposed. I'm conservative in a way. But not the way I dress.

Ugh by now I think you should be able to see how disorganised I am. Digressing from topic to topic. I too, can't stand myself ☺️, so don't worry if you feel the same.

and i'm eating some mango yogurt


ok so right now i'm so distracted i forgot i was suppose to blog about my inner sadness.

I felt so sad all week, idk why. can you imagine feeling sad to bed & waking up unhappy still? and when you're trying to make yourself happier, all you get is NO.

I've really no idea what's got into me. I really don't. I just wanna go shopping. I have nothing but a cupboard of clothes I find boring 😂.

yeayeayeayeayeyaeyaeyeyyeayyeey



find my funny side on swagachild.tumblr.com ok? oK? OK? OK?!?! I ASKED YOU A QUESTION AND YOU DON'T WANNA ANSWER? WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU? A BASIC B⭐︎*H?  ok you are now. congratulations bruther, u succeeded in being annoying☺️



(before your secrets get published you better whisper to THIS saying "okie dookie i find tis funny")  



❤︎ Learn how to use emojis like a pro by watching this video ❤︎ 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfXOXrDbDkE

luv ya.

Why girls make up & dress up so much

Well, if you're not one of us, you prolly won't understand. But there's this thing about looking nice that boosts our confidence to x100.  You've heard of it, and it's true. 

Do u know that girl, muddle headed, always looking down..? Oh no, that's not her character! It's society that destroyed her inner self. 

WHY GIRLS START WEARING MAKEUP SINCE 8? 

Well.. Not all.. But most likely they're just influenced by someone, or media. Haha. Or they could prolly have matured earlier #lol 

Why girls like to wear makeup so much? 

Well like I said, it boosts our confidence. I mean when somebody super good looking talks to you, don't you feel inferior? Yea you do. 

But when you are pretty (at least kinda), you'll feel so much better, and some even can become a totally different person. Yea, it's true. (Ps. My case 😉) 

Well sometimes I feel alright without make up.. Until I hit the toilet. Bam! I realise how ugly I am. And omg. My esteem hits rock bottom. And it makes me wanna go home immediately. Unless you're having a good time, and that somebody makes you feel so beautiful. You won't feel the need for makeup. 

When you find that person, remember to keep them by your side ☺️❤️ 

"Embrace yourself, love who you are, because somebody loves you ❤️💋" 

P.s. No makeup pictures ☺️😉 

OUTDOOR PHOTOSHOOT ♡

So, i'm currently trying to take some pretty photos for my portfolio and stuff like that- Because I love modelling, and i'd need these photos for things like that  ❤︎ 

So here are some photos i found interesting and amazing! All thanks to my friend Cheryln  ❤︎ 

Shoutout to you! I'll hire you if I need you professionally! 

playing basketball😂

 ❤︎ 

I'm a dancer, so it explains my physic!  ❤︎ 

STUDY STRESS CAN KILL

i love it so much how my mother nags at me giving me motivation to study harder.

OMG. STAHP IT.

I hate it — the pressure that you're giving me. I know, i know it’s my finals year. I know it. What have I done seriously. I’m just putting makeup on, cause we (my mom and I) are going out for lunch. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT SERIOUSLY. and u come in and tell me to stop going out and start studying. 

Pre-required knowledge: 1. I go to school, and back home. 2. I have tuitions until 9,10pm on certain days. 3, Sometimes I have CCA that require me to stay back till 7pm. 4. I study on either sat/sun. 5. I fall sick frequently due to stress. 

AND YOU. TELLING ME TO STUDYING HARDER. OMG. I REALLY honestly feel like stabbing myself in the feels. THE STRESS YOU GAVE ME FROM THOSE TWO SENTENCES COULD REALLY END MY LIFE. 

And you reading my blog must be thinking, i have a psychological disorder. Yea, it’s true. 

HELP.

Name Me Anything Worst Than This, Cause I Can't

First Of All, I want you to know that our psychological wellbeing is more concerning than our physical wellbeing. Why? You Maybe Wondering. Because, we may be sick but still be positive. But, when we’re negative, our bodies become weak and sick as well. ♡

Have you ever felt like it’s really hard to find someone you trust to share with them everything that goes through your mind? Like somehow they’re gonna use that vulnerable side of you to hurt you instead? Yea, all our past mistakes tell us the same story of us, being too foolish & too trusting. 

What’s worst than once thinking you’ve found someone that understands you and that he/she is the one that understand you like no one else, not even your mother understood you.  So, you went on telling them your true feelings,  your past hurts, your weaknesses, how vulnerable of a soul you are, and not that strong after all. THEN you find out that they don't even believe everything you said — your past hurts, feelings, everything you've gone through. 

Cause they seem to act like they understand everybody, put themselves into everybody’s shoes, to understand whatever they are going through. But in the end, whatever they are just rubbish crap, they don't even understand what they’re talking about. They don’t even know the pain you're going through or once went through exist at all, but they act like they’re the ones who went through the MOST. So, they're the wisest counsel. RUBBISH. 

I think, them acting this way, just show they’re level of intelligence — no offence to you but, it’s just how you make me feel.

Do you even know.. How much courage there has to be? For me, to tell you what ive been through? Depressions (if I may list), anxiety, self-harm, feelings of not wanting to live anymore, loneliness, crying every single night to fall asleep? Think about these people that went through all of these? It’s not as simple as you think. NO, they aren’t trying to gain attention. No. They’re just trying to ease the pain. By a lil.