CHAOS//CONFLICT//BAD RELATIONSHIPS

HELLO I'M FINALLY BACK

ACTUALLY I'M ABOUT TO ABOLISH THIS BLOG, BUT FOR THE TIME BEING IM STILL GONNA BLOG.

*News* I am moving to mukthatgirl.wordpress.com  ❤︎

And i'm gonna do a "thoughts" blog and not a personal one like this cause this sucks lol. Nobody cares about what i do in my life even. HAHAHA I KNOW IT GUYS, I KNOW IT.

BUT THIS IS ALSO AN OUTLET WHERE I CAN EXPRESS MYSELF.




OKAY. SO I DONT KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN MY LIFE RN
Like what? I feel like even with over 2000(not a lot) followers on instagram, still nobody cares about me, no one cares whether or not i blog, whether I'm having a nice day or if i have talents in any shit.
Im just plainly a face that they follow. How sad isn't it?





Bad relationships.

I thought I found myself good friends and closer friends. But who knew with a "sentence" they said could ruin EVERYTHING.
Now I don't even dare to talk to them cause I'm still hurt. But like I don't want to forgo this friendship. However I still kinda like them.

😔

What should I do? I feel so restless. I should probably isolate myself to prevent further damage isn't it.
So much problems in my life. Real friends I met in school can't seem to maintain a relationship with me. Why? 😔

I try to open up to new people about my problems, but what do they do in the end? Hurt and leave me cause they got bored of me. Enough is enough. I'm not any good. No.

Cant even write well cause every time I was write, I get distracted and bleh I end up not writing. Especially writing music. I get fed up half way though. I'm just so lazy I can't even :(

I wanna get out of the house to work cause i'm so broke and i need money to buy stuffs I want and idk why i don't like to ask from my mom cause like ???

I really need to invest more on my music. Like I wanna get a keyboard. You know the special ones. And some drums( be it the tap one? what dat called?) urgh i hate myself I'm ton kms.
Bye everyone don't care about my tq.

Never Rely Your Happiness on People

Yeah, like what the title implies. I understand I should not actually be doing so, but i can't help but do so cause it's the last resort I know. 

As hopeless this is going to sound. 

I seem to have lost my smile.

Nothing seems to be able to keep me real happy for a long time. 

No pun intended but it's really sad to say.

I've changed. And i'm no longer the same person I used to be.

and it's killing me

I lost my best friend, I push people who try to be nice to me away.

i'm a total b%^ch.

(as much as i wanna put it out there, i still have to be sensitive to what I disclose) 

"Be careful of the sharp edges that may cut you when you are trying to fix a broken person" 
^that quote hasn't been anymore real in my life right now

People seem to be the only thing that I can use to bring myself up again.

I use "talking to people" as a coping strategy.

And as much as I wish my "best friend" would ask me out again, i bet she doesn't have TIME for me cause she has too many people that loves her in her life..

AND YES, I'M GREATLY AFFECTED BY THAT. 

EVERY SINGLE DAY

I'M NOT GOING TO NAME YOU ANYWAY, it doesn't really matter if you realise I'm talking to you at all. You don't have time right? Its okay.

It's okay.

It really is. 

not. 

but i still love you  ❤︎ 

I'm just going to try. On my own. To get over someone that I "shouldn't" have to need to get over.

I try to talk to other people, try to bring more people into my life and get rid of the past. You know right. 

All my past relationships

that i've promised myself NEVER to go back to.

They're exes for a reason and I don't want to make the same mistake and then call myself foolish after we break up again. 

I'm going to be ok.

I'm gonna be strong.

and I'm gonna move on. 

But it's hard, I really can't do it on my own. 

I'M A CONTRADICTING MESSED UP TEEN.

I'm sorry. 

Love, Rosie Movie Review

Omg! Love, Rosie is one of the Best Best Best movie one could ask for!

P.S. I WATCHED IT TWICE AND IM SO GONNA BUY THE DISK

Starring the ever so beautiful Lily Collins- OMG! 

I think she's the most beautiful human being that could ever be casted as Rosie in this movie. SHES THE BESTEST❤️

Words cannot describe my love for this storyline. It's the best love story ever! I won't spoil the movie for you here! But I promise you won't regret watching it cause OMG! 

She and Sam Claflin make the best couple ever. Super ship. Or maybe their acting is just too good! 😭 

Ok go watch it now. And remember to buy the disk ❤️ 

I love you! 

Disclaimer: images are from google, I do not own them! 

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS TYPE OF LOVE STORY

HAH. EVERY GIRLS' DREAM ISNT IT.

Well, to be honest, other than the cancer part, it's totally possibly. I mean, you wouldn't wanna include that right?

It's possible to have a love story like that. Yes it is realistic. All you have to do is get that guy (your boyfriend/crush/date) to watch that movie, and FULL STOP. If he doesn't learn from it or just doesn't get it, maybe he isn't what you're looking for. (well cause we're talking bout having a love story like TFIOS right now) 

Few pointers we can learn from that movie:

1. Hazel wasn't desperately looking for somebody to love; love found her. 

Yeah you might say, most of the time, the best things come when you least expect. Well, you could be expecting, but you don't stress on it fully. You get what I mean? 

2. Augustus loved real

Augustus Waters, what a lovely lovely man. Fictional. Every girls' dream.

Mine too. 

Theres something about the way he looks at Hazel, something about the way he treats Hazel, and something bout how he told Hazel he loves her. 

Anybody can tell you "I like you" or "I love you" in this generation without actually meaning it. People start to forget what these three words truly mean and confusion starts kicking in, and yes it sucks. 

I won't actually think that somebody has a crush on me if they chose to even voice out "I like you".

Pretty dumb huh? But it's true. true that i love you. HAHHAAH WHUT. 

In order to not get my heart broken so easily, I choose NOT to just believe anyone that says "I like you"

A girl can tell another girl "I love you" even if they were straight. So.. whats the biggy?

3. The way they forget about the time because they were too distracted by each other.

Well, if you can't do that, i'm pretty sure you two aren't that in love. 

But lemme fan girl a lil over here alright

The way they said "okay", "okay" make my heart melt like chocolate fondue. I LOVE LOVE THAT. 

And when they realise that it was already 1am, but they were still on the phone  ❤︎ that. ughhhhh  ❤︎ 

Quotes I can't get over😂:

"It would be a privilege for my heart to be broken by you" 

"I love you present tense" 

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities" 

"I'm in love with you"

"I fell in love the way you fell asleep, once and all at once"

“What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.” 

“That's why I like you. Do you realize how rare it is to come across a hot girl who creates a adjectival version of the word pedophile? You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.” 

OKAY? 

OKAY. 

Song of choice:

'Crazy' -Gnarls Barkley (Cover) Daniela Andrade

TUMBLR PICS

Hey ya'll, I'm not too good at handling a tumblr blog yet, so imma post my pics here  ❤︎

but i do have a tumblr blog radicugh.tumblr.com

xx

Instagram: @punkgurliegurl 

Things to be sad about

I'm trying to find my rights to be sad.

1. People are so mean to me
So I actually naively tried to share my new youtube video with my class in the class whatsapp group, and you know my videos are at most 5 mins. So i politely asked if they would take some time to watch that less than 5 mins video for me. What replys did I get? "No time sry" "O-levels coming up" "Ain't nobody got time for that"
why must you be so mean to me? I mean like, words hurt you know. Don't you think it's a little too overboard for a joke? If you have nothing good to say, DON'T.  And you can watch the world cup at midnight and say it's ok, I'm just politely asking "if" you could watch it. I DIDN'T ASK FOR A REPLY ANYWAYS. And, who are you kidding, if you're concentrating on your studies, why are you on your phone then? LIES LIES LIES. WHAT A BUNCH OF MEAN LIARS. One of them even once meant the world to me. 
Why you gotta be so mean? 

2. I feel so invisible
So recently, my teacher allocated me to sit somewhere where I have no friends. It sucks. People look down on me, people literally turn their backs on me, people are so heartless to me. It's so sad. I mean the girl that I'm currently sitting beside with, changed. She changed. And now she's so arrogant and whatnots. Just because you're living your dream doesn't mean you have to be so mean???
And this girl, she NEVER smiles at me. NEVER. I once even invited her to my birthday party. She came. But what now? When I ask her for favours, she just never willingly want to help. She never looks at me in the eye. She looks down on me too. So there was this once, where she(intentionally) gave a certain worksheet to this guy classmate (keep in mind that guy attends the same class as me thats different from the class), and she was asking around who didn't take, and I asked her TWICE. And she unwillingly gave it to me. Like whats wrong with you??? Just that you fancy this guy doesn't mean you treat others meanly.

3. The Society
WHAT has this society turn into??? I hate this society so so much. It's hurting. It denotes that every girl must have perfect skin, skinny legs with a thigh gap and a small waist. It makes us girls forsake our bone structure and what we are supposed to be and what not. Like seriously! Don't you know that some people just have higher metabolism? Thats why they are skinnier than you, but they eat more than you and are not starving??? And theres this painful group of people that starve themselves in order to get skinny. As a result, they become anorexic and a hot topic, and what comes next?? Illness. If anorexia goes out of control, it can become fatal, and that poor girl will obv die and her family members will cry. Why can't we all just forget about they wrong ideal of a perfect body because there is actually none. There is no such thing as "ideal" and theres such a thing as big boned. Go compare someone that is small boned and big, YOU WILL SEE IT. If you don't see the difference in bone size,  go home and tell your mom you need to visit the optometrist.

K. I'M SO SICK OF THIS. BYE.

I'm more than tired

I really hate when this happens. It's like, I feel so depressed deep down, but if I were to consort somebody bout this, they'll most likely not understand(and think they do) what I'm feeling and they try to explain to me what I'm going through. Seriously? You'll bring in the hate man. 

I go around telling ppl I'm really tired. Even my teachers are asking me why am I so tired. Haha yea, I'm realllllly tired. 

Alright. I'm really sad alright. I'm freaking the sadness out of my soul. Help. God? Are you there? Why am I so alone. I'm sitting in class with people that aren't really my friend. Even the one that I thought supposedly to be really kind to me changed. She's no longer the same and I'm hurt. Is the bully cycle of my life starting all over again? 😢

How am I expected to do well this way. 

I'm not even emotionally stable and I can't do anything about it.